WOW!  IT'S NOW THE YEAR 2000.  I GUESS NOW I'LL HAVE TO LEARN TO SPEAK TO A WOMAN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT.

She is not a BABE or a CHICK

She is a BREASTED AMERICAN

She has not BEEN AROUND

She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION

She us not a BLEACHED BLONDE

She is PEROXIDE DEPENDANT

She is not an AIRHEAD

She is REALITY IMPAIRED

She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY

She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED

She does not get FAT or CHUBBY

She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY

She is not COLD or FRIGID

She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE

She does not get HORNY

She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED

She is not a BAD COOK

She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE

She is not HALF-NAKED

She is WARDROBE IMPAIRED

She does not WEAR TOO MUCH JEWELRY

She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED

She is not CONCEITED

She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES

She does not GAIN WEIGHT

She is a METABOLIC UNDER ACHIEVER

She is not a SCREAMER or a  MOANER

She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE

She is not EASY

She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE

She does not TEASE or FLIRT

She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION

She is not DUMB

She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY

She is not too SKINNY

She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT

She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE

She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE

She does not HATE SPORTS

She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT

She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME

She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE

She does not GET YOU EXCITED

She causes TEMPORARY BLOOD DISPLACEMENT

She is not KINKY

She is a NON-INHIBITED SEXUAL COMPANION

She does not have a KILLER BODY

She is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE

She does not GO SHOPPING

She is MALL FLUENT

She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP

She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION

She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS

She is GRAVITY RESISTANT

She does not NAG YOU

She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE

She is not a SLUT

She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED

She is not LOOSE

She is MORALLY IMPAIRED

She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS

She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR

She does not have THIN LIPS

She is COLLAGEN DEPENDENT